Archive for the ‘bianca’ Category

JE # 33 – I Have dreamed of Heaven..

Enero 15, 2008

This is Bianca’s last entry. Be Inspired.

I was drowning because of bright light, as every part of my body and being was suddenly glowing all the same.. I was walking briskly towards the source of the light.. but it seemed that the light came from every corner of the room i was in.. A speck of cold mist dropped on my face.. then I was awake.. my mother was praying in tears beside me in my hospital bed..

I honestly didn’t know what to think.. I wanted to continue the dream, and pray it is true, but at the same time I want to continue living and stay with the people dear to me.. My mom exclaimed in praises to God because i just awoke.. little have i known that i have been sleeping for 2 consecutive days.. i said i just had a glimpse of paradise.. more tears fell from my mother’s eyes.. i tried my best to cry.. but no tears fell from me.. i know why..

Join me as i recount the best dream of my life..

I was lying in bed, as always, beneath a bright light overhead my hospital bed.. Figures of a woman, which I think was my mom, and a big man that i guess is Dr. Santos, were the last silhouette i saw before i went to deep sleep.. I knew that my eyes were close, yet i’m seeing white light.. something’s wrong.. i rubbed my eyes.. yet it is still bright.. i finally accepted it.. i’m dead..

i tried to make up something to what seemed like a bright smoke or cloud (i really can’t distinguish).. i was surprised that a being, that i suppose is an angel, made himself out from the thick fog surrounding the place i was in.. his face gleamed like nothing i’ve ever seen.. he seemed so harmless.. a feeling of comfort and peace stirred right inside me.. he was white.. white as the cloud surrounding him.. with a feeling of security i followed him to somewhere i really don’t know where.. heaven i guess.. i tried my best to catch up with him because he’s moving fast.. i only realized that i wasn’t walking all along.. i don’t know how it happened but after a sudden we were in front of a gigantic gate. I reckon the gate was made of diamond.. jewelried by precious stones i’ve never seen in my entire life.. the gate opens as we arrive, something like an automatic door.. little by little the whole thing reveals itself to me.. the floor was shimmering with light, i knew it was made of gold.. i looked around.. the place was boundless.. the measurement is endless.. what i see on my right can be also seen on my left.. i dont see a ceiling.. nor the gate that was supposedly behind me.. i knew at once that i can’t go back..

i was crying.. but no tears drop.. i never felt so much at peace in my entire life.. i’ve never been so much filled with joy.. the pain that i had because of my disease all vanished in an instant.. the comfort of being free from any pain that i so much missed, i felt again at that time.. right there and then i made a decision.. i said to myself, “Lord I want to stay..”

i was walking (or floating, i really can’t tell..) through the golden road.. i was looking at myself through my reflection on the road.. i felt so beautiful as ever.. i then realized that inspite of all the light that surrounds the place, i cast no shadow.. i realized in an instant that darkness has no place in heaven.. no more pain.. no more regrets.. no more remorse..

suddenly a still voice whispered to me.. “You’ve never seen enough!”.. in an instant my heart lept with joy.. i knew what or who is beyond this what seemed to be an endless road i was walking through.. “at last,” i said to myself, “i’ll see the love of my life..” then all my earthly memories rushed through my mind.. all the pain.. all the regrets.. all the loneliness.. all the sacrifices and hardships.. “IT’S WORTH IT!”, i finally declared..

i walked past the golden steps.. my heart trembling in anticipation to meet Jesus.. i never been so excited like this.. the nearer i get, the more brighter the light becomes.. I was drowning because of bright light, as every part of my body and being was suddenly glowing all the same.. I was walking briskly towards the source of the light.. but it seemed that the light came from every corner of the room i was in.. A speck of cold mist dropped on my face.. then I was awake..

Bianca 12/21/07


JE # 32 – God is Just 100 Yards Away..

Enero 15, 2008

I’m sorry for this delayed post. Was so busy with work last weekend. As promised here are the last two post of Bianca on Christianster.

God Is Just 100 Yards Away..

John 21:7-8

7Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.

Have you ever felt so far from God?

Have you ever felt that God is no longer listening?

Well, I did.

At the first month from the day i discovered my disease, i felt as if God had forgotten me.. I never felt so far from the Lord in my entire life.. Little have I known that God is just 100 yards away..

The apostles at that time also felt the same thing. They felt that Jesus had left them, so they decided to go “on their own” and catch fish, since there’s no “Jesus” anymore who’ll feed them.. It is surprising that the best fisherman of his days– Peter, caught no fish that night. Then it is dawn, just when the disciples have given all hopes to catch a bounty, Jesus at last made his presence known. He asked the disciples to drop their nets to their right. And they followed straight away. They didn’t argue with Jesus and said, “well Jesus, we’ve just been through every corner if this lake and there’s no fish! Then you’re telling us now that there is fish in “here”?

Friends, how many times have we done “our” thing and not God’s, because we “felt” that God is away.. but like what happened to the disciples, our actions away from God are all futile.. Friend I want you to realize this TRUTH.. the farthest that God can be away from us is just 100 yards.. Jesus didn’t leave his disciples when they went into the lake wanting fish.. He’s just on the shore watching them.. the same as us, he’ll never leave us even on the most trying times of our lives.. he’s always on watch.. then after realizing that we can’t do anything apart from Him, he’ll make his presence known.. but it is saddening how long it takes christians to realize this truth.. Jesus is asking the same thing, cast your net on your right.. Even though it felt as if it will not bring any good since you already tried all to resolve your problem, still Jesus asks you to cast your nets.. You’ve done your thing, now let him do his.. Just follow Jesus’ lead and you’ll never be lost..

Knowing that God is always on the watch like a caring father to his son must bring comfort to your troubling hearts.. it must bring peace to your broken homes.. it must bring healing to your weakend bodies.. ’till then.. God bless!

I really appreciate those encouraging words and prayers from you guys.. I’ll keep on fighting but promise me you’ll keep on fighting too.. Thanks!

Bianca – 12/17/07

JE # 30 – Everything is for our Own Good

Enero 9, 2008

Yesterday, two shocking news reached my ears. Tears streamed down from my eyes as those stories came flashing again and again on my head. I was sad but happy. Why?

The first news: Bianca Morales died last Sunday. Remember her? I posted her message here last month. You can read it here. I read a post on about what happened. She was an inspiration to me. She’s the one who encouraged me to continue writing on this blog. Bianca’s friend, Olivia Sayo posted a message on Christianster which is reproduced below. If you want to leave a comment, you may click this link for the original post on Christianster.

Second, my sister informed me yesterday that she’s pregnant. And i don’t want to talk about that here.

Whatever the situation, I am convinced that everything works together for good to those who love God.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Bianca taught me a lesson that life is so short. I should make the most in every opportunity. I will not waste my time, money and effort for things that are not important. Life should be lived for the greater glory of God alone. And never will I take part of the glory that belongs to Him alone.

My sister’s situation taught me to be understanding. All of us have our own weaknesses. There are times that we are strong in one area and weak in another. Judgment has no place in here. I think that’s all for now. I dont want to talk about this topic.

I’m happy because Bianca has joined our Creator and I still praise God for His goodness in my life. Day by day, new lessons are being taught by Him. And im so grateful for that.

Tomorrow, God willing, I will post Bianca’s last two posts before she died. As promised above, here is the post of Ms. Olivia Sayo:

In Memoriam Of Bianca Morales [Bianca_fella] (Oct 30, 1984 – Jan 6, 2008)

It is with great regret but also of great joy to inform you that Bianca already joined her creator on January 6, 2008 at the Asian Hospital at excatly 3:56am. She died of multiple organ failures brought about by cancer that tortured her body day in day out.

I am Olivia Sayo, a friend of Bianca. She gave me her password to her christianster account and allowed me to view her profile. Within the past few days, I was the one accessing the account. Bianca would like to extend her apologies for not replying to her friends here since she was no longer able to type with her fingers and eventually lost her vision.

Bianca’s death came earlier than expected. All of us were in despair but also joyful that she now have come to experience her dream. No more tears and no more pain.

I would like to thank, on behalf of the late Bianca Morales, those people who never stopped praying and encouraging her through the most trying times of her life.

As our token of thanks to Bianca, may I request those people whom Bianca’s life have touched to leave your euology or last words on comments of this sharing. Please share how Bianca’s life have moved and changed you in any way. I believe that Bianca would love to hear that.

Thank you Bianca, my friend.

Olivia Sayo

Leave your comments here.

Journal Entry # 21 – I Only Have 5 Months To Live..

Disyembre 18, 2007

Lamentations 3:22-25 KJV

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Let me share this entry from a dear sister in Christ, bianca. hope this will move you..

Im dying of end-stage Waldenstrom Macroglobulinemia.. a cancer of the immune system.. My doctors told me i only have a few months to live.. But who are they? they didn’t create me, did they? They did not master every part of my body as what my maker have mastered..

I only realized my disease 3 mos ago.. I was honestly not ready for the news i was about to receive.. At that time, I had 8 mos to live.. The doctors suggested several ways of having cure to this disease but they were all useless.. it only brought more pain to the body that had already been painful.. WM has no cure.. at first i started asking God why.. why has this happened to me? but little by little im seeing light at the end of this dark tunnel i am walking through.. i no longer see myself 5 or 10 years from now.. that is too far from reality.. i know my frail body will not last that long..

but this disease had given me a new perspective in life.. it gave me reason to thank God for every single breath i take and every morning i see with my failing eyes.. i come to appreciate the leaves falling the the roses beside my hospital bed.. i learned to love my parents more.. say i love you to those i really love.. and appreciate every single and simple things people important to me are doing.. knowing that i may not be able to that again.. or perhaps tomorrow..

i have now come to accept my condition.. i know from my heart of hearts that God has a better purpose for me.. oh how i pray that my testimony may change lives and make people realize how short our live are.. it is short because no one can be sure that they are still alive tomorrow..

i am not praying for long life for my sake.. i am praying for long life so that other people may come to realize the same realizations i had while im on my hospital bed.. i am not praying for healing for myself.. i am praying for healing to those people that have long more years to live and can do lots of change to other people and their community.. i am not praying for miracle for myself.. i am praying for miracle to those people who knows me or read this post that they may realize their potential in Christ to be used for his greater glory, before its too late..

i wanted to write lots of things here.. but that seems to be boring to read.. so as you finish reading some parts of my life, i dont want you to pray for me.. I WANT YOU TO PRAY FOR YOURSELF.. what have you done for Christ lately? when was the last time you became a blessing to your family and brethren? my friend there is only one difference between you and me.. I have 5 more months to live.. but you don’t know how long or how short you’ll live.. i pray that you would start acting right here right now.. i don’t need to know you’re a christian.. i need to SEE that you’re a christian..

Bianca – 12/12/2007

(published with permission)

Lamentations 3:22-25 KJV

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

update: Bianca death came earlier as expected. details here